Truth and Consequences
by Fosterrific
Summary: What happens when Gillian chooses to turn to her best friend for comfort rather than her husband?
1. Week 0: Part 1

A/N: Thank you to our amazing Beta, Starbuck0322 for all of her amazing editing and feedback :) We hope you enjoy the story.

* * *

"I'm sure I'll be able to forgive you, you know," Alec says, sitting up and letting Gillian's head slip from his shoulder to hit the bed gently. He rubs his eyes and reaches for his glasses.

Gillian raises herself up on her elbows and looks over at Alec. "What do you mean, forgive me?" she asks, a hint of anger seeping into her tone. "Forgive me for what, Alec?"

Alec gets up and pulls his boxers on, walking to their en-suite bathroom to get himself a glass of water. He drinks quickly then refills the glass, taking another mouthful before carrying it out and handing it to Gillian.

"You know what."

Taking the glass from his hands, Gillian continues to stare at him. She is sitting partly shocked and very confused.

'_Surely he can't be blaming me for Sophie being taken away',_ she thinks.

Sitting upright, she clutches the sheet to her body like a safety blanket and asks Alec for clarification. "I don't understand, Honey." Her voice is soft and barely comes out as a whisper. She looks up into Alec's eyes, while trying to fight back the tears that are beginning to burn her own. "What did I do?"

Alec adjusts his glasses and sits down on the edge of the bed next to Gillian. He brushes her hair from her face and kisses her softly on the lips.

"Let's talk about it later," he suggests, fidgeting slightly.

Since Sophie was taken from them he's been doing everything possible to avoid getting high again, but it's becoming far too much for him to handle; the loss of his daughter, the disappointment of not being able to bear children of their own, Gillian's incessant requests to discuss it.

He runs his fingers through his hair as he chews the inside of his cheek. He needs a fix. He knows if he's careful he can probably get away with it without Gillian noticing. He licks his lips slightly and looks at his wife again.

"Why don't you take a nap?"

Gillian can see the way he is fidgeting, can see that Alec is trying hard not to give anything away. But she knows those signs, has seen them before and knows he is deflecting the situation.

She shifts her weight and clutches the sheets tighter sliding back up the bed slightly and putting some space between them. She looks up at him calmly, trying hard to keep her composure.

"Please, Alec. Can't we just talk about it? I don't want to take a nap." She loosens her grip on the sheet and slides one hand across the bed to grasp Alec's. "Please honey, talk to me. Tell me what's wrong?" she pleads.

Alec takes his hand back, his brow furrowing as he frowns.

"I told you, I can't." he tells her. "It hurts, Gillian, and I'm not one of your patients. You can't sit there and play shrink with me like you're going to make it all better. You're just as screwed up as I am," He stands again and begins to pace.

Why can't she just go to sleep so he can do what he needs to do?

He wants it so badly; feels as if he might die if he does not have it. He clenches his fists tightly as he continues to pace.

"Talking about it isn't going to bring Sophie back," he continues. "Don't you get that? You spend so long talking about your touchy-feely garbage sometimes I think you forget what reality is. Here's what it is. For all of your shrinking and obsessing over voices and facial twitches, or whatever that rubbish is that you call work and insist on pouring our money into, regardless of whether we're getting a return on investment or not, you still couldn't pick a mother that wasn't going to take her kid back. How far did all of your talks and crap get with Sophie's other mother, huh? You were so damn sure that she was the right one and she was positive about her decision. It's a joke, Gillian! It's not a science, it's a carnival trick and because you believed in that crap they took MY daughter away. Tell me how talking about it is going to fix that, because I'm dying to know!"

Gillian feels as if she has just been hit by a bus.

She can't breathe, can't think. She can't stop the tears that are blurring her vision, trailing her cheeks.

She sits muted as Alec launches his verbal attack. He's _blaming_ her, for everything? Not just Sophie but her job, her passion, her life's work? When Alec calls Sophie _his_ daughter she almost loses it.

She tries to keep telling herself that Alec is lashing out at her because he is emotional, distraught and angry. She's the closet one to him.

_Psych 101: we often hurt and lash out at those closest to us._

Gillian knows this, but she can't help but take it as a personal attack. The things he is saying are personal, Alec isn't attacking the situation, he's attacking _her_ personally and everything that she holds dear.

So she does the only thing she can think of; Gillian rises to her feet, sheet still draped around her body, and walks towards Alec. Her tears are still freely flowing down her face as she tries to meet Alec's eyes.

"I know it hurts, sweetie. I know you're hurting, but so am I." She speaks softly, as it is all she can muster. Gillian moves to brush her hand down Alec's chest, trying to comfort him and herself.

"I love Sophie, she is _my_ daughter too. She is _our_ daughter. We were a family, and it was cruelly ripped away from us...but we can get through this... _together_... We can get through this." As Gillian speaks she doesn't know who she is trying to convince more; Alec or herself.

Alec shakes his head, taking Gillian's hand off his chest.

"You can't fix this. You can't give me my daughter back, just the way you couldn't give me one in the first place. Just let it go, Gillian. Don't you think there's a _reason_ this keeps happening?" he asks her, shaking his head and walking off

Gillian watches her husband walk from their bedroom. A few moments later, she hears the front door slam and his car start.

He has left her alone, a mess and in tears. He has just laid everything that had ever gone wrong in their marriage and with their infertility issues. He blamed her, for ALL of it; for not being able to have children, for not giving him a child in the first place, and now he's left her; broken and alone.

She wants to be comforted by him; within his arms, whispering to her that they were going to be all right, that it wasn't her fault.

But instead she knows he's gone to get high. That he's gone to one of his "regular" hole-in-the-wall back ally bars.

_How soon would he be coked out of his mind?_

She thinks of calling him; of going to get him. But she's hurting far worse than by the words he has lashed at her.

She feels as if she's dying inside; like she's inadequate as a wife; as a mother and as a woman. Alec has made her feel all this when he's meant to be protecting her, loving her, helping her!

She needs to get out of the house, as far away as possible from this, from her life.

Gillian quickly slips on a pair of jeans and an oversized sweatshirt. She heads for the stairs, stopping by the kitchen to grab her purse and keys. She finds them quickly then leaves.


	2. Week 0: Part 2

A/N: Thanks yet again to our amazing beta Starbuck0322 for her massive editing efforts! Also, thank you for those of you who reviewed- the encouragement is great motivation! We hope you enjoy this chapter. At the moment we're planning to alternate between Gill/Alec chapters and Gill/Cal or another character, but we'll see how things pan out. Let us know what you think- we'd love to hear your feedback as guidance for where we should take the story in future chapters.

* * *

She has been driving around for an hour when she decides to see Cal. Cal has always been there for her; even at her worst, he has always stuck by her, helped her. He has never judged her, only offered her comfort and support. She needs Cal now, more than ever.

She pulls to the front of his house and turns off her car.

As she is walking up the path, she realizes she has no idea what she is going to say to him, and she knows he will have a million questions. She gets to his front porch and raises her hand to knock. After a few moments she hears movement from behind the door. The front light is turned on and it is then she realizes she must look a mess.

Her eyes are puffy, nose red and her hair is flying about in a messy ponytail.

She hears the twist of the lock and the door opens to Cal standing, looking like he has just woken up.

She has forgotten what time it is. His eyes are glassy and when they catch her own. In this moment, a million questions are asked. She tears her gaze away from him and glances toward her feet

"Hey," she whispers.

Cal Lightman had been fast asleep when he'd been disturbed; first by a car door closing, then by a knock at his front door. He has always been a light sleeper; something which has come in handy on multiple occasions. He tossed and turned most nights, plagued by his own thoughts and memories, but when Gillian came to his door he didn't hesitate to get up to let her in.

The older man studies his partner and best friend briefly, doing his best not to read her, even though one wouldn't need to be an expert to see how distressed she is. She looks as if she's been crying for hours. He doesn't question her, simply steps aside and lets her pass by him into his house, safe from the cold. He peers out into the night behind her then closes the door on the rest of the world.

Gillian sees Cal step aside to let her in; without hesitation, without questioning. As she crosses the threshold, she sees a photo of Emily as a baby. At seeing this she breaks down, no longer in control of her emotions.

Cal shuts the door. He turns to her quickly, instantly wrapping his arms around her. He holds her close.

"I've got you, love," he whispers, letting her cry. He is sure this will be, at least in part, to do with Sophie, and there is no way he can comprehend what she is experiencing.

The thought of anything happening to Emily... it is more than he can bear.

"I'm here," he whispers as he strokes her hair, holding her tightly against his chest. "I've got you."

Gillian is clawing and clutching to Cal's shirt.

_This should be Alec, _she thinks._ But it isn't; it's Cal. My best friend. A man I place my trust in; with the secrets of my life. _

She hears him whispering to her as he guides her through the hall and onto his couch. She curls against him, unable to control her sobs.

She is unsure how long they remain like this and when she is finally able to regain some sense of composure, she slowly lifts herself from Cal's chest. She looks down to his t-shirt, sees that she has left wet marks behind. She is faced by a sudden wave of embarrassment for having shown up unannounced.

"I'm sorry for turning up on your door step in the middle of the night like this, Cal." She sighs. "I just didn't know where else to go." Gillian pauses for a moment, looks away from him to search the room. "Oh god!" she gasps. "I didn't think... Is Emily here?" She squirms, attempts to remove herself from Cal's vice-like embrace. "I'm so sorry Cal. I should just go."

When Gillian attempts to pull away, Cal tightens his grip on her, holds her tightly against his body.

"You're not going anywhere," he says, kissing her hair. "You're staying right here for as long as you want _or need_. You know you're always welcome here," he assures her. He listens to her as she attempts to catch her breath. "Do you want to talk about it, love?"

Gillian rests her head against him and tightens her arms around his waist.

_This is nice. Warm and safe. It actually feels like everything is going to be alright._

"Alec and I had a fight," she says, voice low. "He blames me for everything." She chokes back a tiny sob. "It's my fault, Cal... My fault! That Sophie got... "It is all she can verbalize before more violent sobs shake her body.

Cal shakes his head. He wants to strangle Alec.

"That bastard," he mutters under his breath. He takes her chin in his hand and gently tilts her face to look in her eyes.

"That was _not_ your fault," he tells her in no uncertain terms. "How on earth could you have predicted or prevented that?"

"He blamed me," she chokes. "I told him that Sophie's biological mother was sure about giving her to us and she was Cal; she was! I don't know what happened!"

Her tears fall freely now; her sobs uncontrollable. He lets her cry; lets her emotion and tension run free.

"And Alec blamed our work, my job," she continues. "He said it was my fault for not being able to give him a child in the first place," she states, numbed; her voice barely above a whisper.

She wants to stop crying; to make the pain go away. She wishes that Alec had never said those things to her.

She is reeling, but safe, comforted by her best friend; the one man she trusts more than anyone in the world, while her husband is god–knows–where, with god–knows–who.

She has no idea how to fix this; she isn't even sure how to describe the current status of her marriage, but in this moment, she is certain of one thing; that she finally feels safe, protected and loved, more than she has in a long time.

"Gillian, you couldn't have seen this coming," he tells her quietly. "It may be that the birth mother was sure about it to begin with and later changed her mind. But I don't know for certain, love. Neither do you and neither does Alec."

Cal kisses her forehead and brushes her hair from her face.

"He's an idiot," he tells her softly. "He can't see what's standing right in front of him. He has an amazing, intelligent, beautiful, caring wife who would do anything in her power to make him happy and give him a family, and all he can do is lash out at you."

Gillian isn't sure she believes him. "You don't understand Cal; I can't give him what we both want. God, I want a family more than anything in this world, but we've tried, and it has always ended in heartache. Maybe Alec is right."

Gillian tries to duck away from Cal's demanding gaze by snuggling deeper into the crook of his neck. Inhaling deeply, she sighs.

_When had things become so complicated?_ she wonders, _and why did Cal's arms, wrapped tightly around her, make her feel as if everything would be Ok._

"Stop hiding from me," Cal tells Gillian quietly, frowning and shifting from her.

"I want to talk to you," he says drawing her face to his. "I want you to talk to me and listen, yeah? You don't have to carry a child and give birth to it to have a family with someone, Gill. And who's to say you're to blame, anyway? All that coke has got his little swimmers as off their face as he is. Can you imagine 'em? Poor little buggers swimmin' round with no clue what they're meant to be doin'."

Gillian tries to stifle a small smile at Cal's last comment. "Cal..." she warns and releases a sigh. "I know Cal, but it doesn't look like I'll have a chance to do either. Alec said I should just let it go, that there was a reason why things like this kept happening." She sighs again, feels defeated. "I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm not sure what I _should_ do."

"Come on, now," Cal encourages. "You know you wanted to smile at that." He kisses her forehead, places another to the side of her mouth. "You should hold your head high, love. You're an incredible woman, Gillian, and none of this rubbish should be happening to you."

"Thank you Cal." She smiles shyly. "I mean it. I don't know what I'd do without you. You always know how to make me smile, even though you annoy me half the time."

"Really?" he says, eyes wide. "Only half the time?"

At this, she lets out the smallest of laughs.

She suddenly realizes their close proximity. Somehow, she finds herself sitting in Cal's lap, her forearms resting gently on his shoulders, hands wrapped loosely around his neck. She shifts so she is directly looking into his eyes

"I mean it, Cal, thank you."

She shifts a little more on his lap so that she can press a soft, ghostly kiss to his lips. Her hands play with the hair at the base of his neck.

Gillian rests her forehead against his. Her eyes close as she licks her lips. She can feel them tingling slightly and she opens her eyes to find herself shocked by the intensity at which Cal is looking back at her.

Cal licks his own lips, mirroring her actions, and swallows hard.

Gillian Foster, his partner, best friend, and the most perfect woman he has ever met, is sitting in his lap, staring at him. She has opened herself up to him tonight.

He clears his throat slightly and sits up straighter.

"Let me get this straight, Foster," he tells her. "You come into my house in the middle of the night, wakin' me up, you cry on me, kiss me, and then you tell me I annoy you half the time?" he asks her with a lopsided grin.

Gillian lets out a small giggle "Yeah, something like that"

She coyly looks up at him from her current position leans forward to pull Cal into a tight embrace. "You've always been there for me Cal," she whispers into his neck. "No matter what, you have never judged me. You are always here for me." She sighs contently and places a small kiss on the side of his neck.

She leans back slightly and stares directly into his eyes. She can see so much compassion, fear, surprise and love. She slowly leans forward and presses her lips against his again.

And in this moment, nothing could have felt more right.

Cal fights the urge to groan when she kisses him again. There's no denying he wants her; he has for as long as he can remember. She is married, though, and so was he... Then again, Alec mistreats her and there is no way he deserves her. Why shouldn't she feel good while he is out doing drugs and sleeping with half of DC? Cal has suspected Alec of cheating multiple times before, and he is positive now that Alec is having it off with his assistant.

"Are you sure this is what you want, love?" he asks her.

He knows she's upset and vulnerable, and he doesn't want to take advantage of that... If nothing else, they would have to work together.

Gillian nods slowly, looking into his eyes with certainty in hers. She raises slowly and he follows before taking her hand and taking the lead. He guides her up the stairs and into his bedroom, closing the door behind him and shutting out the world.


	3. Week 7

A/N: A little disappointing on the reviews front. Thanks to starbuck0322 for her amazing beta work, as usual, and to those of you who reviewed. Just to be clear, neither of the authors (this is a collaboration) condone cheating in any form. A few minor character spoilers may be present in the coming chapters.

* * *

Gillian awakes with a groan.

Her stomach is feeling queasy and her head is spinning. She hasn't felt herself for the past few weeks. She's been tired, but then again work hasn't been the best of late. She has been stressed more than usual, and she is sure she has been letting herself get run down.

Suddenly, she sits upright in bed; her hand flies to cover her mouth. She barely reaches the bathroom in time before heaving, emptying the contents of her stomach into the toilet bowl.

Alec wakes up to the sound of Gillian vomiting. He knows she hasn't been herself lately, but had assumed it was because of Sophie and her hectic work schedule. He waits a few moments before calling out to her.

"Gill? Do you need anything?"

He wasn't going to ask if she was all right, her heaves where enough to let him know she wasn't.

Gillian is about to answer him when she feels the bile begin to rise in her throat again. She steadies her stomach and a few moments later, grabs a wash cloth from the sink, wipes her face and rinses her mouth.

"Yeah, honey," she says, calling out for their en-suite. "I'm ok. I'm just not feeling the best at the moment. It must have been something I ate."

She sighs, returning to the bedroom and sits on the bed next to Alec, clutching a pillow to her chest. She closes her eyes in an attempt to stop the room from spinning.

Alec sits up in bed, rests his chin on Gillian's shoulder and strokes her back. "I might be getting jealous of that pillow, you know," he tells her, wondering exactly what sort of food poisoning would cause her to remain sick for this long.

"This has been going on longer than food poisoning," he tells her. "Maybe it's time you go to the doctor." His tone indicates that his statement was somewhere between a suggestion and an order.

She can hear Alec behind her; feels him stroke her back. "Mmm... that feels nice," she whispers into the pillow.

Gillian tilts her head to the side, eyes remaining closed. "I'm sure it's nothing, Alec," she says and reaches out to grab his hand. "I just don't have the time at the moment; work is hectic. Maybe when it slows down a little, I'll go then. But I'm sure it'll pass in a day or so." She opens her eyes and gives him a weak smile as she squeezes his hand lightly.

Alec kisses Gillian's hand and continues to rub her back. "If you're too busy to see a doctor then maybe that's the perfect reason to go. You're far too busy to afford being sick. Take the morning off and get some rest. I'll call my assistant and have her rearrange my appointments and I'll stay home. I can give you a massage," he offers. He knows Gillian's been upset with him lately and he's willing to grovel.

Gillian sighs into the pillow again. "You know you can't take the morning off, honey. What about your meetings?"

She really doesn't have the time to stay at home and see a doctor. She can't help but think about the pile of paper work waiting for her on her desk. She groans again and begins to stand. A wave of dizziness assaults her and her knees buckle beneath her. She drops unceremoniously onto the bed.

"What's more important, Gill?" Alec asks, frowning. "Meetings or my sick wife?" He watches as she stands up then as she collapses back on the bed. "No, Gillian. Enough's enough. You're staying in bed, and that's my final word. No arguments." He pulls the covers back and tucks her into bed. "Now, I can give you a massage, I can get you some water and crackers, or I can get you a book. Those are your options. No work and no telephone calls."

As she squeezes her eyes shut, she can hear Alec mutter beneath his breath; about _staying home_, _enough being enough_. She then feels his arms wrap around her and is vaguely aware that he is rubbing her back under the covers. She nods her head slightly, and asks Alec for the glass of water.

"Maybe you're right" Gillian finally concedes. "I think I should see a doctor. Would you call and make an appointment for me?" She mumbles in Alec's direction.

Alec nods and re-tucks her in, walking out of the room. He makes his way to the kitchen and gets Gillian a glass of water, setting it on the kitchen counter as he goes through her diary to find the contact details for the doctor. He calls and makes an appointment for later that morning before taking her the glass and setting it on her nightstand.

"Appointment's at 11," he informs her, picking up his laptop and sits in the armchair they have in the corner of their room. He opens the laptop and writes emails to Heidi and his own assistant to let them both know that the Fosters wouldn't be at work today.


	4. Week 7: Part 2

Thanks, as usual, to Starbuck0322 for her tireless beta work, and for those of you who reviewed. We're loving your feedback! Please, keep it coming. For anyone who's still in the dark, we're going to get to the bottom of Gillian's health concerns in this chapter.

* * *

Dr. Green walks into his office reading Gillian's test results. He sits down in his chair before looking up at her with a caring smile.

"Well, Doctor Foster. How are you feeling today?" he inquires.

He'd sent her for some blood tests to determine what had been causing her to feel unwell, and had asked her to come back for the results in person, as it wasn't policy to report test results over the phone.

Gillian looks up at Dr. Green. She twists her wedding band around on her finger, slightly nervous to hear what he has to say. She has no reason to be, she thinks, flattening her palms against the top of her thighs.

Gillian offers the doctor a small smile. "I'm feeling a little better; my stomach is still feeling a little upset, but I've been able to keep some food down," she tells him. "What did you find?"

Dr. Green doesn't need to be an expert in body language to realise that Gillian is nervous. He frequently sees patients in this state, anxiously awaiting their test results.

"Well..." he says, reading her chart again before stroking his beard.. "I have good news, and I have bad news," he informs her, setting his glasses down and folding his arms. "Which would you like first?"

'_Oh god'_, she thinks; '_it must be bad_'. She looks down at her hands and slowly speaks. "Um. Tell me the bad news first."

"The bad news is; I'm afraid you may feel this way for quite some time yet."

Gillian doesn't understand what he is trying to say."I'm sorry?" she chokes. "What are you trying to say? What's wrong with me?"

"That's the bad news." Dr. Green smiles reassuringly. "Then there's the good news, Gillian." He knows Gillian and Alec have been trying to conceive without success for a number of years. "Congratulations. It looks like you're going to be a mother."

"What?" she gasps. "I'm pregnant? But I can't... How?" She chokes back, fights to pull air into her lungs. "When? I don't understand." Gillian shakes her head, inhales quickly. "How can this be? You know my history. There must be a mistake in the results."

"There's no mistake, Gillian. You're pregnant," Dr. Green confirms, laughing quietly. "How? I expect you learned basic biology in high school. As for the when... You look to be about six to eight weeks along." He sits back in his chair and folds his hands in his lap.

"We concluded that chances of you and Alec conceiving were slim," he reminds her. "But it was in no way impossible." He smiles warmly.

Gillian is stunned; shock invades her every thought. She fights for breath, fights to blink, to make sense of what she has just been witness to.

'_Pregnant_,' she says over in her head. '_I'm pregnant_. _Six to eight weeks along._'

And then it hits her; takes the air from her lungs once more. She and Alec hadn't been together since that night; that night he had walked out on her. That very same night she ended up on Cal's door step. That night they had...

"Are you all right, Gillian?" Dr. Green asks, concerned. "I expected you'd be surprised, maybe even shocked, but you're looking pale."

She is pulled from her trance-like state by the calm in Dr. Green's voice. "What? Oh. No." She shakes her head. "I'm fine. Just a little surprised, that's all." She pulls in a large breath, exhales slowly. "I suppose I wasn't fully prepared for this sort of news." She offers him a small smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes.

She opens her mouth to respond further but finds herself lost for words. She stands, finds her legs weak beneath her. She is unsure if they have the strength to carry her, but she feels the intense need to be anywhere but behind these four walls. She thanks the doctor absent-mindedly and walks from the room.

On her way from the office, she almost forgets to make an appointment for her first ultrasound. It isn't until she hears the high pitched voice of the receptionist calling her name that she doubles back.

Once the appointment is made she leaves and walks to her car, willing her legs to carry her. She unlocks the door and pulls herself into the driver's seat, happy to be off her feet. She places the key in the ignition and freezes, unable to turn it. She has no idea where she should go, and for the first time in her life, she has no idea what she should do.

Alec checks his watch nervously. Gillian should have been home from the doctor's office for quite some time now. She had promised she'd call as soon as she had her test results in hand. He resolves to wait five more minutes before calling her. He licks his lips slightly and taps his pen repeatedly against his desk, watching the second hand on his watch move from one number to the next.

She can hear her phone ringing.

'_It must be Alec_,' she thinks. She reaches to answer but stops abruptly.

She stares at the screen.

'_Cal_...'

She swallows back the lump formed in her throat; she wants to cry.

What the hell is she going to tell Alec?

What is she going to tell Cal?

Her phone stops ringing and after a moment of silence, beeps telling her she has received voice mail.

Suddenly, her phone rings again and she silences the call without checking the call display. She throws it on the passenger seat unable to deal with either of them right now.


	5. Week 7: Part 3

A/N: Thank you to those of you who reviewed. Some of you made us laugh with your comments. Again, a huge thanks to Starbuck0322 who, with her amazing beta work almost ended up as a third author on this chapter. Your input is always greatly appreciated :)

* * *

Alec paces the floor of his office. He feels as if he's going out of his mind.

_Why hasn't she called? Is it something serious?_ _Has there been an accident? _

His mind begins to wander.

He looks down to his phone willing her to return his call. _Why won't she answer her phone?_

The more nervous he gets, the more he fidgets, and the more he fidgets, the more the urge begins to rise within him. He runs his hands through his hair, attempts to suppress his inner desire.

He picks up his phone and calls her for the fourth time, praying she'll pick up.

Her phone rings again and Gillian wants to throw it out of the window.

It hasn't stopped buzzing for the past ten minutes and while she can't hear the ring tone, the sound of the vibration seems to annoy her more and more by the second. She sighs heavily, suppressing her frustration.

She finally reaches to pick up her phone. Her one hand grips the steering wheel so tightly that her knuckles have begun to turn white.

"Hello, Alec." She fights to push the irritation from her tone.

"Oh, Gill." Alec gasps into the receiver. "Thank god, I've been worried sick!" He lets out a breath he didn't realise he'd been holding. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Alec, calm down." She exclaims. "Everything is fine; I'm fine. I just got caught up at the doctors then stopped by the mall. I forgot my phone in the car." She closes her eyes, pulls in a shallow breath. "I'm sorry I worried you. I'm on my way home."

Silence greets her on the end of the line.

"Did you want me to pick up anything for dinner?" she offers.

"Well, what did the doctor say?" Alec asks.

"I'll talk to you about it when I get home, Alec." Gillian says, a slight shaking in her voice. "Everything is fine. I'd rather talk to you in person."

She tries her best to sooth him. She knows he is worried but doesn't want to tell him over the phone. She still can't believe it herself.

Alec sighs into the receiver, trying to hide his impatience. She knew he'd been waiting to hear from her and had promised to call immediately after her appointment. Instead, she'd gone shopping?

"Whatever you want for dinner is fine," he says flatly.

"I'll see you in about 30 minutes," she says. "I'll pick up some Thai on the way home." She ends the call quickly and releases a heavy sigh, letting her shoulders fall. Tension is beginning to sit heavy within her.

Gillian starts the car and pulls from the parking lot, silently praying for answers as she leaves the doctor's office behind.

Alec stares at the phone in his hand, wondering what it is that Gillian couldn't tell him over the phone. There is news; there is no denying it.

He decides the best thing is to go home. He checks his watch. With any luck, he can beat her home and be there when she arrives.

He packs his office, aligning the pens in his drawer, straightening the photograph of himself and Gillian on his desk. He runs his fingers through his hair then slips his laptop into its case and puts the shoulder strap of his bag over his shoulder. He looks around to ensure everything is in order before he flicks the lights and leaves.

On his way home another urge hits him. Sweat instantly rises on his skin. His hands shake. His knuckles whiten as his hands grip tightly to his steering wheel. He inhales, drawing in a few short breaths. He closes his eyes.

He decides it best to stop at the mall. He needs some chewing gum, which he figures could suppress his addiction long enough to receive Gillian's news.

He passes a florist, enters and looks around, but for the life of him, he cannot seem to remember which flowers Gillian is allergic to. He walks out without any, picking out a trashy romance novel she'll be sure to love instead.

"It's for my wife," he says sheepishly to the sixteen year old boy at the checkout. The boy, who has more piercings than Alec had fingers to count them on, looks at him strangely and carries through with Alec's order.

Hopping back into his car, he drives quickly and gets home, glad to see Gillian is already there.

Now he won't have to wait to receive her news.

"Gill?" he calls out as he lets himself inside. "I'm home!" He sets his bag in their front hall, discarding the gum from his mouth into its paper wrapper.

Gillian hears Alec's car pull into the driveway. She checks herself once over in the mirror. Looking down, she smooths her hands over the crinkled fabric of her dress. One last check and she sighs heavily, begins to walk down the stairs from their bedroom.

"Hi honey," she greets Alec as she walks into the kitchen. She moves over to him and gives him a chaste kiss on the cheek before turning to the kitchen cabinets removing two plates. She begins to dish up their take-out.

"Hi," he replies leaning against the kitchen counter to watch her.

"Picked you up a book," he says proudly. "I hope you don't have it yet. I didn't recognise the rippling muscles on the front cover."

Gillian stops what she is doing and turns to look at him. She smiles as she recognises the cover. She has already read it twice. She walks over to him and glances down picking it up. "Thank you, Alec. I'm pretty sure I don't have this one."

She leans in gently and places a soft kiss to Alec's lips before circling her arms around him, pulling him into a tight embrace. "Thank you, for the book," she whispers softly next to his ear.

Alec offers Gillian a half smile and then a shrug. "You've been reading a lot lately and you haven't been feeling well," he explains, running a hand through the front of her hair.

Gillian steps back and gives him a slight nod, placing the book on the counter. "Thank you," she says, turning to finish fixing their plates. "It was very thoughtful." She picks up the plates and walks over to the dining table. "Would you mind grabbing the cutlery honey?" she asks, placing the plates on the table.

Alec gives a nod, walking over, taking two knives and two forks from the top drawer. "I was worried about you when you didn't call," he says, meeting her at the table. "Are you going to tell me what the doctor said?"

Gillian stands frozen, trying to think of the best way to respond; however, she quickly regains her composure and pulls her chair to sit at the table.

She looks up at Alec who is standing in front of her. She feels slightly intimidated as he is looking down at her, waiting for her reply. She quickly drops her eyes to the floor and mumbles an apology.

"I'm sorry I had you worried. I guess I lost track of time. I didn't realize I had left my cell in the car." She glances up slowly to see him watching her intently. She exhales slowly, tension sitting heavy in her shoulders. "Sweetie, why don't you sit down?" She leans out to pull him down to his chair.

Alec hands Gillian her knife and fork, watching her carefully as she speaks. He continues to stand briefly, as if considering whether or not to push the issue, bracing himself against the force of her hand tugging him down. He decides it best to join her at the table and without a word, picks up his fork and begins to eat.

He is certain she is reading him now. Searching his face, his tone; reading the curiosity causing his brow to furrow. He wants to know what is wrong with his wife, and he wants to know why she's delaying in telling him her news.

After a few minutes of eating in silence, he realises he's jiggling his leg nervously under the table and shakes his head, picks up a napkin and wipes his mouth. He stands.

"Red or white?" he asks, walking into the kitchen to get glasses and a bottle of wine, hoping the alcohol would help him unwind. Of course, he had other methods, but he had to do his best to fight the urge.

She can tell Alec is on edge, but she can also see that he is doing his best to keep it in check. She knows she's not helping to lessen his anxiety, but she doesn't know how to tell him; can't seem to find the right words.

_It should be simple_, she reasons with herself. _Alec I'm pregnant_; it is all she has to say.

She sees him bouncing his leg up and down nervously under the table. He abruptly stops bouncing his legs, gets up and announces, in his own subtle way that he needs to calm himself down.

"Red or white?" he asks her. It's a simple question. She stares at him for a moment.

"None for me thanks. You choose what you want."

Alec nods at Gillian's response and puts the second glass back, setting his own down on the kitchen counter as he removes the cork from a half-finished bottle of red and pours himself a half glass. He sniffs it, savours it, and then sips.

He looks back at her, re-corking the wine. He doesn't try to get too much of a read on Gillian; he leaves that sort of analysis for her.

"Lakers won last night," he comments, unable to stand the silence any longer. He drinks from his glass again and returns to join her at the table. "There's probably a replay on tonight, I know you missed it when you turned in early."

Gillian smiles at Alec's '_Lakers'_ comment. He knows how she loves her basketball, has ever since she was a little girl. Although, back then, it was Dr. J, not Kobe. She lets put a small giggle.

" Yeah, I saw the highlights." She smiles up at him. "I'd like that, but we don't have to watch it if you don't want to." She finishes and takes a bite of her noodles.

"You know I like watching with you." Alec smiles and leans over to kiss Gillian's cheek before settling back in his chair. He attempts to put the noodles on his fork neatly. He gives up putting his fork in his mouth, the excess noodles dropping back onto his plate.

She smiles at him looking at his plate.

"Sorry," he apologises when he's swallowed, keeping his eyes on his plate. Maybe if he keeps talking he'll be able to keep himself calm and distracted long enough to keep from going completely out of his mind. "Blasted things weren't made for people with table manners." He smiles and picks up the shorter strands with his fork.

She doesn't feel hungry anymore; all she can feel are the butterflies floating within her. She drops her fork and brings one hand to rest flat against her abdomen.

_Her flat stomach_, she thinks. _No bump...yet..._ The thought alone is somewhat comforting.

She looks up and can read the worry, frustration and anxiety written all over Alec's face.

Then it just happens. She hadn't planned on telling him like this , but the words fly from her mouth before she has a chance to stop them.

"Alec, I'm pregnant."

Alec places another mouthful of noodles in his mouth and is halfway through swallowing when Gillian makes her announcement.

His eyes bulge slightly as he starts to cough, choking at the unexpected news.


	6. Week 7: Part 4

Thanks for your reviews, and also, as usual, to Starbuck0322 for her awesome beta work. A little slow on this chapter but the next one should be up in the next few days.

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She watches as Ales eyes bulge, his eye brows raise in shock and then he starts coughing and choking on his noodles.

She quickly gets up and heads into the kitchen to the fridge to retrieve a bottle of water. She grabs one quickly and heads back to the table.

"Here honey, drink some," she says handing Alec the water. "It will help," she states while rubbing her palm up and down his back trying to offer some comfort.

Alec coughs and splutters for a few seconds. His face turns red and his eyes water. Eventually he manages to take the bottle from Gillian with a nod of thanks and gulps some water down. When his choking ceases, he sits silently. His breaths come fast and heavy as he attempts to regain his composure.

"Sorry," Alec apologises again, shaking his head. "I could've sworn I just heard you say you were... Never mind."

Gillian sighs and walks back to her seat. She sits and looks up at Alec; his face red and eyes glassy. She lets out another soft sigh. "I did Alec. You weren't hearing things," she whispers.

"I found out today at my appointment. I'm just over a month along." She closes her eyes and continues. "I am pregnant".

Alec stares at Gillian completely shocked and tries to process it. She. Gillian. His wife, Gillian was pregnant; with a baby. They weren't meant to be able to have children together. Sure, it was meant to be possible, but they'd tried for years and nothing had happened. Now, they'd lost Sophie and they needed it more than ever; it had finally happened.

"I... Wow..." he replies quietly, his voice starting to work again. "We're going to have a baby?" he asks, his tone conveying a sense of hope that he seems almost scared to allow himself to have.

Gillian nods at his words. "Yes, I'm going to have baby," she tells him softly. As she says this, realization dawns on her.

She was going to have a baby; SHE, GILLIAN FOSTER was going to be a mother, _again_... A Baby.

She feels the bile begin to rise in her throat, quickly rises from her seat and rushes to the bathroom at the end of the hall. She hurriedly lifts the toilet seat, and empties the contents of her stomach. She's on her knees hugging the toilet bowl; her vision blurred from the tears she hadn't realised were falling.

She should be happy, shouldn't she? It's what she's always wanted. _But not like this_, her mind screams. She feels her chest heave painfully. She is sure she has nothing left to throw up.

Alec sits in his chair even after Gillian has left. He knows he's meant to be excited, but he's still in shock, and Gillian really isn't helping the situation. He'd always pictured how it would happen, although he'd never, ever admit to it. He'd thought that Gillian would come home from work early, make him a nice dinner and they'd eat by candlelight. She'd reach over the table and take his hand, or maybe shift so she was sitting in his lap, and smile sweetly, one of those special smiles she seemed to save just for him. Then, she'd kiss him softly and her smile would grow. 'Honey,' she'd say, and he'd stroke her back. 'We're going to have a baby.'

Of course, in his head he'd be surprised and she'd smile excitedly and nod. 'You're going to be a Daddy!' she'd say, and then he'd laugh and pull her closer, kissing her before he called his parents to tell them the news.

Instead, they sat in the kitchen eating take out. She'd blurted it out after hiding it from him all day, and then told him _she_ was going to have a baby; then she'd run off to vomit. Maybe this was why he didn't usually allow himself to entertain the foolish romantic notions she so often seemed to indulge in. He sits his fork down on his plate and keeps an ear out to see if Gillian sounds like she needs anything. This was not how it was meant to happen at all.

She finally stops heaving, pushes herself up off of the floor, and flushes the toilet. She walks to the sink and turns on the tap. Gillian looks up at the mirror as she catches a reflection of herself. God, she looks awful. She looks pale and slightly green. Her nose is red and her eyes are bloodshot and puffy.

She feels exhausted; mentally and physically.

She can picture Alec sitting at the table. She has no clue what he is thinking right now. She isn't even sure if she wanted to know to be honest. All she wants is a long hot shower and bed.

She walks to the shower, pulls open the door and turns on the water. She closes the door as the water begins to warm and slowly starts to peel off her clothing; it all feels like too much of an effort at the moment.

She opens the shower door again and steps inside closing it behind her. She feels the scalding water hit her tender skin; a mixture of pleasure and pain.

She groans as she dips her head under the spray.

_It isn't meant to be like this_, she glumly thinks. _It isn't meant to feel like this at all_.

When Alec hears the shower start and he sighs quietly, picks up their plates containing their half-eaten meals and scrapes them into the trash. The plates find their way into the dishwasher and he waits with his wine to see if Gillian is going to come back. At the moment he is less than thrilled with the way this is all playing out. Instead of feeling happy, excited, and in love, he feels disappointed, rejected, and alone. He takes a deep breath and finishes his wine quickly, before setting his glass down and standing to get the bottle. He picks it up and, with a sigh, he pours himself another drink.


	7. Week 7: Part 5

Hey guys sorry it's taken us a while to post this chapter. We've been extremely busy but we'll try and up load the next chapter in a few days :)

Thank you to all those who reviewed and to Starbuck0322 for her awesome beta work

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She should probably get out of the shower, and go back out and talk to Alec Gillian thinks tiredly. She should do a lot of things. She sighs heavily, and reaches to turn the taps off. She opens the shower door, reaches for a towel, and wraps it around her body.

The shower hasn't helped, she still feels awful.

Gillian wonders if she could sneak up to bed, deal with this all in the morning, but she knows she can't. Patting herself dry, she opens the bathroom door and watches as the steam is sucked into the cold dark hallway.

She considers getting changed into her pyjamas before going to see where Alec is, but she decides that she can't be bothered.

She pads bare footed, dressed only in a towel into the hallway, down the corridor and into the kitchen. Once she reaches her destination, she spots Alec, leaning against the counter, a full glass of wine in his hand, staring into space.

Alec hears Gillian walk through the kitchen doorway behind him, but doesn't bother to turn to face her. If he's completely honest with himself, he's scared of what she might see if she catches a glimpse of his face right now.

Instead, he continues to stare, raises his glass to his mouth and sips.

After a few moments of silence it feels as if Gillian is waiting for him to start the conversation; something which he is neither practiced in nor comfortable with.

Setting his glass down again, he speaks, his back still to her.

"Congratulations," he says, unable to hide the hint of sadness in his voice from someone who is as experienced with analysing vocal patterns as Gillian is.

She stands behind him, waiting for him to say something, anything, for what feels like an eternity. She watches as he raises the wine glass to his lips again and takes another sip.

As he puts his wine glass down, she thinks he is ready to talk, but what he says shocks her 'Congratulations' She can hear the sadness which laces his voice.

"No," Gillian utters. "Don't you dare be like that with me. You can stop with this passive aggressiveness and talk to me." She moves toward him. She needs to see his face.

Alec is surprised when Gillian confronts him, but doesn't show it. He keeps his back to her, effectively blocking her out. She's never been particularly good at reading him- he's been told it's hardest with the people you're closest to- but he knows it still irritates her when he intentionally shuts her out.

"What do you want me to say, Gillian?"

She doesn't know why she decided to confront him, but has decided that anything was better than standing in the awkward silence.

He shifts again and now has blocked himself from her completely. She knows he's doing this on purpose; he knows she hates it.

'_What do I want him to say_?' she thinks. She doesn't know. Anything would be good in this moment. Scream, shout, cry; anything.

She takes another step toward him and stands directly behind him. She places one of her small hands on his shoulder.

"Please Alec, talk to me. I know I haven't handled this situation the best, but I... I just..." She inhales quickly. "I don't know. I was shocked... I... After everything that has gone on over the last few weeks, this... This was the _last_ thing I ever expected to happen." She sighs. "Please Alec, look at me. Talk to me!"

Alec listens to Gillian's pleas before banging his fist on the counter in front of him.

"Damn it, Gillian!" he shouts, the knuckles on his other hand turning white as he grips the granite countertop. "Do you think you're the only person this has been hard on?"

He shrugs from her hand on his shoulder, ignoring the gesture. "I don't want to talk. I'm not one of your patients."

She stumbles backward slightly, taken aback by his outburst. She takes a few steps from him and places her hands protectively over her stomach.

"I know it's been hard on you too honey, it's been hard for both of us." She fights to remain calm. "But we _need_ to talk about it. I _need_ to talk about" Her voice begins to waver, tears welling in her eyes.

She tells herself to stay calm, not to get angry, not to fire back and make things worse.

She is hugging herself protectively now and she is trying to think of the right thing to say. She steps forward hesitantly and looks up at Alec. He has contempt and anger written all over his face; he's not even trying to hide it from her.

"I know you're not one of my patients, sweetie," she continues. "I just think that it will help us if we talk about how we're feeling." She is trying her best to reason with him.

"How is talking about it going to help, Gillian?" Alec questions her, flexing his fingers slightly to help deal with the pain he feels in his fist now.

"Is it going to bring her back? Or make you excited about this? No," he replies, shaking his head and stepping away from her. "So don't tell me it's going to help. I can't talk about it."

Gillian can feel the anger slowly eating away at her.

"Don't tell me how I feel, Alec. You have no idea! You never want to talk to me, about anything.

But I need to talk about it!" she screams, as a strangled sob escapes her lips. She manages to take a deep breath. "It might not bring her back, but we need to deal with this." She gestures between them. "This gaping hole that she left between us." She looks up at him, anger seething from every pore in her body. "Why can't you be a man about it and face it with me Alec? _Together_ we could have dealt with it!" She yells. "Instead you run off and hide behind your fucking coke and booze!" She steps forward. "You act like I don't know." She laughs bitterly at him. "But what about _me_, Alec? Did you ever stop and think of what _you_ were doing to _me_!" She is shaking now and attempts to reign in her emotions.

"I never talk to you about anything?" Alec asks in disbelief. "Who went shopping instead of calling her husband this morning?" he asks her, firing more or less the only ammunition he has against her. "It wasn't me, Gillian, now was it? Why do you even care if we fix anything?" He tries to keep his own anger under control. "What difference does it make to you? That's _my_ baby you're carrying in there just as much as it's yours; whether you feel that way or not."

Gillian can't help but scoff at Alec. "I explained that Alec. I need some time to think as well." She growls at him. "The one time I need space, time to process things, and you act all huffy." She raises her voice now. "WHAT ABOUT YOU ALEC? I wasn't the one who left after they took our daughter away from us. I wasn't the one blaming you for everything!"

Tears stream down Gillian's face.

"It's _always_ about you isn't it, Alec. Your job. Your addictions. Your daughter. Your pain!" Gillian accuses. "But when I need you, you're never here! You always have some excuse." She can feel the tethers beginning to break as she begins to lose control. "God! How many nights I've cried myself to sleep while you were god-knows-where, doing god-knows-what?"

"Do you know how many times Cal has found me sobbing on our office's roof? How many times he has had to comfort me, because YOU COULDN'T FUCKING TALK ABOUT IT?" she shouts; her contempt increasing for the man she calls her husband by the second.

"What did you want me to do, Gill?" Alec asks defensively. "Sit around here after they took her and pretend she was here and it was all okay? Because it's not fucking okay, Gill! I love Sophie more than anything else in this world and those bastards took her from me because some messed up kid wants her baby back. She can't love her like I loved her, and she can't provide for her like I can. And don't give me some crap about rights, because she gave up any rights to have Sophie or to have people think she's even a semi-decent mother when she handed her over. I want our daughter back, and sitting around talking about our _feelings_ isn't going to make us a family again! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST ACCEPT THAT?"

Alec clenches his fists tightly. He shakes uncontrollably, fury rising within him in waves.

"It's not fair to attack me with this!" Alec continues. "You ask me about work, I tell you. You _knew_ I had a drug problem when you married me. Do you have any idea how hard it is to stay clean? _Especially now_. It's eating away at me, Gill. I struggle with it every day, but I do it _because I_ _fucking love you_, Gillian! I love you, and all you ever do is run off to Cal! You want to talk about feelings? _How do you think that makes me feel_? Like a good husband, and a real man, when my own wife doesn't even turn to me for comfort? I would move heaven and earth for you, if you just told me what the hell you want me to do to make this better."

He is ready to storm off when Gillian starts her second assault. She looks up at Alec in disbelief. "You don't think it kills me every day that Sophie was taken from us? Do you not think that maybe, just maybe, it gets to me so much sometimes, that I can't breathe? I can't sleep, but I still have to go on and act like everything is fine; that nothing happened. Act like she was never here! I can't pretend, Alec. She was my daughter too! Not just yours!" she spits out. "I know she's never coming back, Alec. _I know that_," She says through clenched teeth. "You talk to me about work. About work? What about everything else?"

She shakes her head and grips her towel tighter to her body. A bitter laugh escapes her lips. "It's not _fair_ to attack _you_ about your drug problem?" Gillian can't believe him. "Yes, I knew you had a problem before we were married. Do you really think I don't know that you've started using again? Did you really think you could lie to me about that? Did you think I wouldn't notice? She brushes her hand over her cheek, wipes away her tears. "And _don't you even_ try to deny it, Alec! You say you love me, but you seem to love chasing your high more!"

She shakes her head; lifts her chin.

" Where did you go when you left me after Sophie was taken? Did you go '_score'?_ Did getting your fix help? Was it worth it?" She continues to shake. "You left me alone to cope with everything! You blamed me and then took off. How is that being a good husband?" she yelled. "I come to you Alec, time after time, looking for you to comfort me, and you brush me aside every single time! You're too busy with work, or tired, or you can't talk about it, so we don't. I play the role of adoring wife, when all I want to do is scream; try to get your attention." Suddenly she snaps her head up and looks directly at him.

"Cal's my best friend so don't you dare...He has always been there for me, He is there for me because you never are! When you're off getting high somewhere, he was the one helping me pick up the pieces, because _you_ couldn't deal with it. If it wasn't for him... God... I... just don't..." She looks down at the floor shaking her head. "You have no right to go there!"

Her breathing is rapid now. Her body flows with adrenaline; her muscles tight.

"I know she was your daughter too," he replies. "I called her _our_ daughter, which is more than I can say for you and what's meant to be_ our_ baby. I know you know I've started again, and I'm trying to stop; I swear I am. But this is too much for me, Gillian. Everything you're feeling, I'm feeling too, I just deal with it differently."

Alec's anger is starting to mix with sadness and he does his best to keep his composure. This is hard enough without fighting with Gillian, too.

He hates fighting with her. It hurts both of them, and knowing it hurts her makes him feel even worse.

"I want to be here for you," he continues. "I do. I just don't know how, and it always seems like Cal does and then instead of telling me what you need you go to Cal and I don't know what else to do, so I let you because at least then you seem happy, even if it's not me making you feel that way."

Alec's voice begins to crack.

"I love you, Gillian. I want to be whatever it is you need me to be, I just need help," he says before the anger on his face is replaced all at once with deep sadness, and for the first time in his adult life, he breaks down crying. His back slides down the kitchen cupboards until he ends up sitting on the tiles, sobbing uncontrollably.

Gillian stands motionless listening to Alec, watches as his anger turns into an almost resigned sadness as he stands in front of her baring his soul. She isn't expecting this; she is ready and poised to attack. She can't do that now as she watches him slide to the floor, sobbing.

She wants to comfort him, to tell him everything is going to be all right, but she doesn't know if it _is_ going to be all right. She has heard this from him before; albeit, he has never cried the whole time she has known him.

Gillian is feeling an onslaught of emotions. She is angry with him; for using again, for leaving her to deal with everything on her own, for making excuses for his actions, for never putting her first. But he is her husband, and a good wife should stick by her husband through the good and bad times.

She knows he loves her. She knows he meant every word he had said, but is believing he would change really enough? How many chances should she give him? How many times should she have to forgive him?

She suddenly feels like a hypocrite as she thinks back to what Alec has said about Cal. She loves Cal. He is her best friend and they understand each better than anyone else in the world. Sure, she has thought about them, but she had never meant to cross that line. But she had!

She had slept with her best friend; the one person in this world who could make everything all right. She had gone and messed that up and she can't tell Alec, especially now. But what is she going to tell Cal?

The guilt is eating away at her. She can feel the strain in her chest as she watches Alec break down.

So she does the only thing she can think of; she walks over to Alec and kneels in front of him, takes his hands in her own. She pulls him into a hug hoping that it will offer him comfort. She does not speak, she is too scared that her voice will betray her, that she might say something she will regret, so she sits quietly, wrapped only in her towel, and cradles her distraught husband. She feels her heart break for Alec, for Cal, for herself, and for her baby.

She has never felt so helpless in her life.

Once the tears start falling, Alec can't stop himself. He cries for himself, of course, but he also cries for Sophie and for Gillian, for all of the stupid things he's done and said. The times he should have been there for his wife and he wasn't. The fact that he didn't just take Sophie and run to Mexico or Africa or... or Antarctica; if that's where he had to go to keep her and stop the pain that he and Gillian were feeling.

Part of the reason behind his inability to talk about it had been the fact that he felt the need to stay strong for Gillian. Yes, he was distant, and he wasn't there for her when she needed him, and that was a mistake. But he was also wary of the fact that once they started talking about it, he'd fall apart, and he'd been right.

One argument and twenty four years of stored up tears had all come flooding out at once.

He still remembered the last time he'd cried. He was eighteen, had just come home from his first semester at college, and his grandfather had asked him to play chess one afternoon. Instead of going to visit he blew him off to go to hang out at the mall with a bunch of people he used to call friends. His grandfather had suffered a fatal heart attack that afternoon, and when his father had called to tell him he felt a tiny piece of himself die. It was probably no coincidence that it was also the first day he got high.

Eventually Alec gets his tears under control, and when he realises what has happened he's extremely embarrassed, but not too proud to pull Gillian gently onto his lap to hold her closer.

He's cried now; it's all out and there's nothing he can do to take it back.

"I'm sorry," he whispers in her ear. "I am so, so sorry, sweetheart. For everything. This isn't the man I wanted to be; for you or for me. Please give me another chance to get this right? I want to prove to you that I can be here for you. I can be what you need. I'll go to couples therapy. I'll go back to N.A. Just tell me what you want me to do."

Gillian is curled tightly against Alec's chest; her face is buried in the crook of his neck. She finally lets herself cry as she hears Alec's pleas. She can feel the tears trickle down her cheeks to soak though his shirt. She owes it to Alec, to herself, to try everything she can to save their marriage.

She slowly raises her head from his shoulder and pulls back to meet his gaze."Okay," she chokes, "Okay".

"O... Okay?" Alec asks with quiet surprise. He'd expected Gillian to tell him enough was enough, and that she is sick of hearing his promises. He reaches up and gently wipes a stray tear from her cheek with his thumb.

"God you're beautiful," he tells her softly. "I love you so much, Gillian. I promise I'm going to be better for you," he assures her. _"...and for our baby."_ He thinks, too afraid to say it out loud.

Gillian simply nods at him. "This is the last time Alec, I mean it. No more running away, no more drugs!" she says a little firmer. "I mean it, this is it." She wants to believe everything Alec is saying, but a part of her can't help but think of Cal. She squeezes her eyes firmly shut and exhales deeply; she is doing the right thing.

Alec nods and closes his eyes as he holds Gillian closer, praying he has the strength to keep his promises this time. He kisses her hair then and waits to see if Gillian will say anything further.

They sit in silence for a few short time, and a few moments Gillian removes herself from Alec's lap and gently tugs him up from the floor.

"We should get some sleep," she sighs still holding his hands. She looks up at him. "We're both exhausted." She releases his hands, turns around and heads to their room.

"Gillian?" Alec asks quietly, hesitant.

She hears Alec call her name. She stops at the bottom of the stairs and looks back over her shoulder, "Mmhmm, what is it Alec?"

Alec looks at Gillian briefly then shakes his head.

"Nothing. Sorry."

She can see he wants to say something, but is hesitant, so he dismisses it. Gillian takes a few steps back towards him. "What is it honey?"

Alec watches Gillian. She knows he wants to say something, and after promising to be more open with her he can hardly back out now.

"I..." he stops, looking awkward. "I know you don't seem to want to talk about it, but would it be all right if I called my parents. You know... to tell them?" He can't wrap his head around Gillian not being excited; he knows that his parents, at the very least, would share his happiness.

Gillian is caught off guard by the question; she hasn't thought that far ahead. She opens her mouth to say something, and then closes it again trying to think of an appropriate reason as to why she doesn't want anyone else to know yet.

She takes a few more steps to stand in front of him "Maybe we should wait a few more weeks before we announce anything," she suggests. "You know just to be sure everything is all right with the baby, since its unexpected and all." She quickly adds, "Would that be ok?"

Alec does his best to mask his disappointment and nods a little. "Okay. Sure," he agrees quietly.

He never, in all his life, pictured that finding out they were going to have a baby would be like this. He hasn't even seen Gillian smile about it. Sure, she is shocked; they both are. But shouldn't she be showing a little happiness or excitement along with it?

Gillian gives an appreciative smile and is thankful she doesn't have to say more. "Thank you," she replies, and with that, turns back around and disappears up the stairs.

Alec watches as Gillian walks up the stairs, sighing quietly when she disappears into their bedroom.

He walks into the laundry room in search of a clean t-shirt to wear to bed and finds the 'World's _Greatest Dad'_ t-shirt Gillian had bought him when they found out they were getting Sophie. They'd both been so happy and excited, and between then and day 57, their lives had been absolutely perfect.

He studies the front of the shirt for a moment and picks up a white singlet. Turning to leave the laundry room, he drops the t-shirt in the trash.

Gillian had seen the look of disappointment on Alec's face, but she isn't ready to tell people yet; she has only just found out. She is still trying to place the pieces together in her own head.

As she enters their room, she walks over to her set of drawers and retrieves a pair of panties and an old bed shirt and slips them on. She walks over to the bed, pulls back the covers and climbs in. She can hear Alec in the laundry room and knows he will be up soon. She rolls on to her side and curls slightly into herself, wrapping her arms around her body.

_Maybe everything will look better in the morning_, she thinks, as she drifts off into a restless sleep.

Alec pulls his business shirt off and changes into his singlet, draping his shirt over the back of the couch. He picks up his laptop bag from beside the front door and sits down on the couch, kicking off his shoes , putting his feet up on the coffee table as he starts to browse the internet, making a few purchases online before starting to look through real estate websites. He quickly finds himself engrossed in his search and forgets all about going to bed.

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	8. Week 7: Part 6

_It's been a long time since this was updated._  
_We are so sorry! Here's the next chapter for those of you who are still following this story._  
_We hope to have the next chapter up soon! _  
_Sorry again and thanks so much for all your reviews and support._

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Gillian awakes to the blaring sound of her alarm. Her head is throbbing, eyes sore, and her throat felt scratchy and dry. She lets out a groan rolling over to shut the alarm off. Its then she notices that Alec isn't in bed, and that his side is still made up. She is confused for a moment, so she decides to make her way downstairs. When she reaches the foot of the stairs, she walks in the direction of the lounge room. She stops in the doorway and see's Alec sprawled out on the couch, laptop still perched on his lap, print outs all around him.

Gillian walked to the couch and noticed the scattered papers surrounding him, leaning over to collect a pile, she accidently bumps his leg, and he begins to stir.

Alec stirs when Gillian bumps his leg. He snorts quietly and rolls over, almost falling from the couch in the process. He'd been up until 4:30 and had started several folders for himself: one for details of NA meetings in the DC area; another for receipts for books he'd purchased online; a third for information on how best to deal with morning sickness; and a final folder containing profiles for houses that were up for sale in the area.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you," Gillian says as she starts going though some of his paper work. "What's all this?" she asks, as she picks up one of the folders

Alec reaches up and takes a gentle hold on Gillian's wrist, tugging lightly to encourage her to join him.

"I'm glad you already know all of my dirty secrets." He frowns tiredly as he watches her start looking through his papers.

Gillian complies and sits beside him. She raises her eyebrows at his last comment, "Do I?" she asks in passing. "Did you stay up all night doing this?"

Alec nods and curls his body around Gillian's.

"Almost. The last time I remember looking at the clock it was four thirty," he says, taking his glasses off and rubs his eyes. A red mark is left on one side of his face where his glasses had been digging in while he was asleep.

Gillian feels Alec wrap himself around her; she can tell he is trying to act 'normal'. She is sifts through the folders "NA meetings," she queries, and flips past it to open another. She turns to look at him, a small smile gracing her features. "_How to Cure Morning Sickness? 20 of the Best Morning Sickness Remedies,_" she reads aloud.

"Are these for me?"

Alec rolls onto his back and breathes in. He uses the air to poke his stomach out, then pats it. "No, there's something I haven't been telling you," he replies tiredly, but playfully as he rubs his stomach. He lets out the breath in one big gush of air.

Gillian giggles at this. "You better lay off the coffee then."She opens the last folder and see's Local real estate listings for the area.

She stops; the smile falls from her face. "What's this," she asks in a light but serious tone.

"Anything you can't have I won't," Alec promises Gillian, kissing her hip then shifting again to look up at her. "I was going to save it until you were all right with the idea of being pregnant."

Gillian nods lightly at his sentiment. "Isn't this..." She waves the file out in front of her "A little bit premature. I mean we have a spare room here. Why do you want to move?"

"Do you really want to talk about this?" Alec asks, his tone indicating that he is willing, but concerned about upsetting her.

"I...I don't know," she frowns

"Maybe we should wait a while," she says taking her head in her hands, she massages her temples.

Alec watches with concern and sits up slowly, kissing Gillian's shoulder then resting his hands gently on either side of her neck. He starts to work on the tight, tired muscles there.

"How are you feeling this morning?"

Gillian automatically drops her head forward and lets a tiny moan, as she feels Alec working out the kinks in her neck "Mmm, thanks. That's nice," she sighs. "I'm feeling ok, I guess. My head is pounding a little, but I don't feel as queasy." She sighs again when his fingers work on a particularly delicate area of her neck. "I've always found it strange how they call it morning sickness, when you can get it at any time of the day."

Alec shifts when he hears Gillian's tiny noises of enjoyment. He's only human, and he expects he'd been hard-pressed to find a heterosexual man who wouldn't react to the sound of Gillian Foster moaning. He kisses the back of her neck chastely and keeps working, wondering how the hell someone as amazing as her ended up with a schmuck like him.

He laughs quietly at her comment about morning sickness. "Must have been invented by a man."

She can't help but grin to herself when Alec shifts behind her. "Mmm. Most probably," she agrees, closing her eyes dipping her head forward a little more

Alec finishes up on Gillian's neck then slowly works down to her shoulders, squeezing them firmly yet gently.

"You're tense," he comments, running his hands slowly down her back. His fingers play over tight muscles.

Gillian nods in agreement as a content sigh escapes her lips. "Hmmm. I really should start getting ready for work," she mummers, but makes no attempt to move from the couch. "Mhmm. How are you feeling this morning?"

Alec keeps massaging, working his thumbs into the muscles on Gillian's lower back. "Like I want to spend some time helping my beautiful wife relax, and make her feel good."

Gillian shifts her head to the side and smiles at Alec. She allows him to work on her back for moment longer before she speaks. "As good as this feels and that sounds," she attempts to straighten herself up and places her hands against Alec's chest, rubbing it tenderly. "I do need to go get ready. I've got a lot of work to catch up on."

Alec frowns slightly, his feelings obviously hurt, before forcing a smile.

"Of course," he agrees, standing up and gathering up his folders. "I'll put the kettle on so you can have some herbal tea before you leave."

Gillian felt a little guilty for rejecting Alec's advances, but she really was going to be late if she didn't hurry up. "Thank you that would be good," she chastely kisses the side of his mouth and pushes herself from the couch. "I'm just going to take a quick shower and get ready; I'll be back down in a minute."

Alec sets his folders down in a neat pile while he waits for Gillian to leave. He hadn't been angling to get into her pants. He'd just hoped to spend some time with her, but he expected he'd have to earn that. He walks into the kitchen and packs chocolate pudding, some fruit and a fresh salad sandwich for Gillian's lunch before putting the kettle on to boil and setting out a travel mug for her to take with her when she leaves. He disappears back into the living room, sits down and turns the television on to watch the morning news.

Gillian reappeared downstairs twenty minutes later, dressed and ready to head to work. She walks into the kitchen to retrieve her tea, whoever the first thing she notices is a neatly packed lunch sitting on the counter. She eyes the chocolate pudding and assumes Alec must have packed it for her. She smiles at the gesture. Flicking the kettle back on to re-heat the water, and walks out into the lounge room to see Alec watching the morning news.

"Did you make lunch for me, honey?" She smiles sweetly at Alec.

"It's in the kitchen," Alec replies, not looking away from the television. It hurts him too much to see the way Gillian looks at him at the moment and he needs to make sure he avoids that so he can stay clean and not turn to drugs to blur her actions and expressions.

Gillian's smile fades and she doesn't understand why Alec has become cold and distant again. He doesn't even look at her as he speaks. She hears the whistle of the kettle, letting her know the tea is ready. "That was sweet of you. Thank you." She sighs, turns and walks from the room.

As she enters the kitchen she pulls out her travel mug and fills it with the herbal tea. She quickly gathers her lunch from the counter and places it in her bag. She retrieves her coat and heads for the door.

"I'm leaving now, Alec," she calls from the front door.

"Have a good day," Alec calls back. He's not watching the television now, just staring at the wall behind it.

"Thanks for the kiss goodbye," he mutters to himself under his breath, putting his feet up on the coffee table and crosses his legs. He wonders if he can work from home, not having had much sleep last night.

Gillian can hear the strain in Alec's voice and frowns as she closes the front door behind her. She takes a deep breath and heads to her car. She opens the door and places her bag on the passenger seat before starting the car and pulling from the her driveway.

_At least she hadn't thrown up this morning_.

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